Mindset #1 - Releasing The Arrow

My husband is a well and true bookworm and constantly has his snoot in a book - fiction or non-fiction, he really loves it all. I, on the other hand have a racing mind and although I have books aplenty, my monkey mind seems to convince me to do all other things before settling into a book. I flit in and out. However, I have one book that has caught my attention recently.

It’s called The Philosopher’s Field Guide. For Wisdom, Willpower, and Wellbeing. My husband conveniently perched it on the bathroom radiator, right to the side of the crapper. I know he hoped that I would open a few pages whilst powdering my nose and obviously, he was right.

This evening I turned the pages and stumbled across Psychotech 37 - Releasing The Arrow. This chapter claims to help those with feelings of depression, doubt, frustration, guilt, hopelessness, insecurity, loneliness, regret, sadness, self-pity, shame and sulking.

Me stumbling across this seemed like a fortunate stroke of serendipity, following my hormone-induced sulk I’d had over the weekend. The suffering I ultimately put myself through as a result of one particular moment, sent me into a spiral at the time. But in hindsight, it also presented an opportunity to reflect and improve my mindset as a result.

The bow and arrow concept in this chapter encapsulates the idea that “pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice.” As the first arrow strikes us (like during an unavoidable negative life event), it gives rise to pain. The second arrow refers to the suffering we feel as a result of aiming and shooting a second arrow at ourselves via feelings of judgement, self-pity and overthinking.

Realising this distinction between pain and suffering was like someone switching on a reading light in a dim room. While I can’t dodge the first arrow that life throws my way, I can certainly decide whether I load the bow with a second one.

It sounds simple and I’ve made this distinction before, but reading it this time round really resonated with me. Whilst stressful moments may nudge and poke me, I don’t have to double down with woe and self-criticism. Instead, I can acknowledge the sting of the first arrow, take a breath and let it stop there!!

Of course, this is easier said than done and sometimes I just need to get a grip. But perhaps this is where practice comes in. Like any good bookworm, philosophers and thinkers across centuries have scribbled down reminders that wisdom isn’t about avoiding pain, but about responding to it more skilfully. And honestly? Even if I only put this into practice half the time, it feels like progress.

So, here’s to reading in unexpected places, sulks that turn into lessons and remembering that one arrow is quite enough, thank you very much.